How to Do Couples Therapy Exercises

Relationships are wonderful but complicated. It’s not uncommon for couples to encounter issues they need some help tackling — and often, this help comes in the form of couples therapy. You know how physical exercise is good for your body. Couples therapy exercises can have a similar impact on your relationship, keeping it in shape and increasing its endurance. What Is Couples Therapy? Couples therapy is a form of therapy that provides couples with the tools they need to communicate with one another and address issues more effectively. It can be used to rebuild broken trust, overcome differences, increase intimacy, and strengthen your overall bond. There are a few techniques used in couples therapy, including but not limited to: Emotionally focused therapy. This popular type of couples therapy focuses on nurturing feelings of vulnerability and connection that often lie beneath a conflict. Couples are encouraged to identify negative patterns that might be detrimental to the level of emotional security in their relationship. Cognitive-behavioral therapy. The cognitive-behavioral strategy emphasizes developing more effective behaviors within a marriage, such as problem-solving and communication. Solution-focused therapy. This type of therapy focuses on creating solutions for specific issues and therefore is best for couples seeking to solve one particular problem. How To Do Couples Therapy Exercises Most couples therapists will give couples “homework” (i.e., specific activities that they can do at home) between sessions. Couples who regularly complete these assignments often experience better results from couples therapy, including improved listening skills, increased affection and intimacy, and greater support within their relationship. Couples Therapy Activities Good news: Most couples therapy exercises are actually fun! The following couples therapy activities can be done in conjunction with therapy sessions or on their own. Identify your love language. What makes you feel loved might not have the same effect on your partner. The primary love languages are touch, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation. Ask your partner which love language means the most to them. Do something new (and fun!). Trying new things together can strengthen your bond. Book a horseback ride, tour a winery, or take a cooking class together. Show physical affection. Little displays of affection like hugs, holding hands, and goodbye/hello kisses all serve to strengthen your connection. The simple act of cuddling releases the “love hormone” oxytocin and reduces the stress hormone cortisol. Discuss your interests. Ask about the things your partner enjoys or discuss your shared interests. Talk about the book they just finished reading or listen to that album you both adore. Make eye contact. There’s more to eye contact than meets the eye. Steady eye contact promotes feelings of trust, attraction, and agreement. Take turns listening. Couples therapy isn’t just about being heard. It’s about listening, too. Take turns being the active listener for at least 15 minutes per day and let your partner finish speaking before you respond. This is an excellent way to improve your communication. It’s not “you,” it’s “I.” When discussing an issue with your partner, stick to “I” statements. For instance, say “I feel hurt when you joke about my cooking” — not “You always joke about my cooking.” This shifts the focus to your feelings rather than placing blame on your partner, therefore increasing your likelihood of receiving a positive reaction. Seek solace in the 6-second kiss. Try this Gottman-recommended activity: Once a day (especially on chaotic days), make a point of kissing your partner for at least 6 seconds. A longer kiss can make you feel closer to your partner and less overwhelmed by a busy day. Plan a trip. Traveling is a great way to rekindle your romance, and couples who travel together report stronger commitment and higher levels of satisfaction within their relationships. Spend quality time exploring an unfamiliar place and creating new memories with your partner. Reminisce. Revisiting positive memories can make you feel closer to your partner. Sort through old photos, discuss days gone by, or share your versions of the first time you met. Disconnect from electronic devices. In order to get the most out of the above exercises, you must be fully present — not to mention, neglecting your partner for your phone (known as “phubbing”) negatively impacts your interactions. When you’re with your partner, make a point of looking at them more than your phone.