What Is the Role of Intimacy and Sex in Your life

When you think of the word “intimacy,” you may assume it means sexual relationships. But while one can boost the other, one doesn’t necessarily include the other. Intimacy on its own involves trust, acceptance, and an emotional connection with another person. Intimate partners care for one another and are unafraid to share thoughts, desires, and vulnerabilities. Even without sex, intimacy can provide many physical and mental health benefits. “There has to be an evolutionary reason why people maintain paired bonding and intimacy when there is no sex involved. Indeed, we have found that there are biological advantages of being a dyad over an individual,” says Michael Krychman, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist based in Southern California and also a clinical health professor at the University of California, Irvine. The lines can get blurred at times, but you can have intimacy without sex and vice versa. “Intimacy is more of an emotional connection rather than a physical connection,” explains Dr. Krychman, who is a coauthor of The Sexual Spark. “As relationships increase in duration and [partners increase in] age, the sexual frequency may decline, but intimacy may increase.” But while sex and intimacy are different, they are interrelated, he adds. “They go hand in hand. Some partners need to feel loved and cared for to be [sexually] intimate, and some need to perform sexually to demonstrate that they love and care.” It’s important to understand that there are four key forms of intimacy, says Krychman: Physical, which means being in the same place at the same time and spending quality time together, like on a date night. Emotional, which means sharing emotions and thoughts and connecting on a feeling level. Sensual, which means physical touch and pleasure and other ways to physically connect that don’t involve sexual acts, such as hugging and kissing. Sexual, which includes vaginal or anal sex, oral sex, and other forms of sexual contact. Everyone is different, and we all desire these different forms of intimacy to varying degrees in our relationships, he says. Intimacy, in all its forms, has a variety of health benefits for body and mind, experts say. Here’s a look at some of the different ways that intimacy can improve daily living. While sex isn’t necessary to achieve intimacy, intimacy can often lead to a better sex life, which in itself has health benefits. Your experience of sex will improve because you will be unafraid to express (and receive) what you desire, and willing and open to hear and care for your partner’s needs as well. The trust will allow both of you to grow and try new things that might enhance your relationship. If you are upset about something, you often feel comforted by discussing these issues with a close, empathetic companion or therapist. “When you feel supported, you can begin to overcome a certain amount of emotional pain and start the healing process,” says Krychman. Plus, emotional insensitivity can weaken you. “If you encounter a lack of empathy or humiliation from someone you trust, it can exacerbate your pain and retraumatize you. You may then withdraw or avoid intimate relationships, which can make depression or anxiety worse,” says Bartlik.